Life is not like you see on TV. (shocking it took 42 years, huh?) As much as we try to pretend it could be, we cannot hide from this fact... But, thank goodness, when times get nutty, we can always pretend to hide and then go "find" the real life fun!! Sit down people. I haven't blogged in 3 weeks and so enjoy (or sign off now) our little boy and life adventures in our "not made for TV" life...
"Hide and See" with GammaHeading into 10 months of parenting, I have been surprised at the presumption by some folks around me that I would totally know what i was doing parenting, that I would be confident in my decisions, and that overall parenting would be easy....Yes, I've worked with children for my entire career -- and yes, focusing in the last 10 on an ever growing love for children of adoption... But that by no means equipped me to be a confident mom... I often wonder, tho, if we had kids 10 years ago what I would have been like.... less creaks and squeeks chasing the LM around for sure... Part of the delay in blogging was because I had a major increase in work responsibilities this month... and because of that, I found myself overwhelmed, questioning my ability to do it all, feeling "half-sies" one everything, and not good at anything... I felt like I was failing LM, his papa, even the dog on a regular basis.... And finding the energy to write a peppy blog just wasn't there... And i spent a lot of time thinking about TV and how it would all play out on TV... For certain, many situations in the last 10 months have left me with a major "well, who would've ever expected that? and other first time parent "the things that make ya go hmmm.." I question myself every day, at night I think about the day, what happened, and how I can contribute to our LM "life scripts" to help each day be a better day.... and of course I worry if I am doing it right...
Lucky for me, this "real life" show has a great cast of characters... Especially my three boys in all their grand goofy-ness! We only had a couple of days where one of us wasn't working in the last few weeks....And, when the going gets goofy, the goofy in our house get hiking as much as possible...
Lucky for me, this "real life" show has a great cast of characters... Especially my three boys in all their grand goofy-ness! We only had a couple of days where one of us wasn't working in the last few weeks....And, when the going gets goofy, the goofy in our house get hiking as much as possible...
Don't let the smiles fool you. Papa was a walking commercial for motrin and ice for days after this hike. LOL. just kidding honey! you are awesome :) That said, Our LM is awesome. We love him to pieces and realize how, just like him, I realize looking back how all of our attachment to each other has grown overtime as any "arranged marriage" would have it. We are blessed beyond words... All that said, I admit that parenting is the hardest job I have ever had. That I ruminate on decisions I never would have guessed I would have been posed with the situation let alone need..
As I consider my ability to parent him, I regularly come up with "hopes"... Of course, things like "I hope he is happy in life", and "I hope he makes lots of money so he can take care of us" (har har).... Oh yea, and the ever infamous first parent hope: "I hope we don't break him because he is a darn good kid and he's stuck with us".... I hope we can teach our son many lessons... One lesson I am learning these days is this: Life is not like TV -- don't expect it to be, and you'll remove a whole lot of stress on yourself and in life. I mean, really, i never really thought life was TV, but you know what I mean -- It's easier, happier, everyone has more money, people look gorgeous even when stuck on a survivor island, etc... And people don't cry when they feel like they are being bad moms, or bad wives, or bad friends because they can't keep up on things... People don't feel (or look) like they have so much going on sometimes they have crazy ADHD flitting between things and frustrated they never quite get anything fully done... People on TV go on luxurious vacations or give eachother massive jewelry and sporting event gifts to "share" their love... They never adore their spouses as often as we should all aim to do in real life... in the little ways that count like making lunches, leaving little notes, folding the laundry... I hope we can teach LM that real life is much better than TV, even if it might seem a whole lot harder at times...
Who needs peanut butter when you can have....Jelly Day!
They don't do this on TV, and it sure was fun! :) 
Who needs peanut butter when you can have....Jelly Day! LM loves it!! Yummo!!
TV has a set -- a set of people who dress you (and therefore do your laundry or your shopping with money you don't really have), a set of people who make up and hair you (and therefore meaning you get a shower more than 2x/week whether you need it or not). --- they have elaborate food for the actors behind the scenes (and therefore you eat more than just "some sort of onions/peppers/ and protein over salad" because that is the easiest thing to throw together every night)..they have many different writers -- they have the comics that can help you see the funny side of any situation -- they have a writer who helps with saying the just write words in difficult communication situations --- they have the writer that ensures there's a doctor role present when someone needs a shot of a med to "chill out" --
Thank goodness for Gamma... who is always around for "horsing" around when we all need a "get out of the snowy/rainy/insert bad weather type here" house days...
Some rare TV/movies scripts get it right: ex: Mr. Mom --a great movie that teaches kids that the WOOBIE is a vital part of life (don't ask me how I feel about the fact they made the little boy get rid of the woobie by throwing it away as that could be hours of blogging) -- I truly feel that we all need our security blankets, whatever they are -- no matter how old we are... Vices are important. It is important to know who or what your blankets are, and have them at hand when needed.. And, of course, respect and take care of them - washing them regularly, hugging and loving them, etc...
Home 40 Weeks "It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere"and "I Got my Woobie - Life IS Good!"
On TV, people never lack for food. It's important to enjoy a good meal wherever you can, with fun people -- whether it's bread and cheese, fajita night, nacho night... marshmallows by your fire pit with friends.... or a special "night out"... We are fortunate to have the gift of healthy food every day to nourish ourselves with, even if it's not pre-cooked like in commercials or plated daily like something from the Iron Chef... I hope we can teach our son to appreciate this, and to understand and have compassion that there are children around the world who fall asleep hungry... and that he strives along with us to do something about changing that world....
We haven't been out to dinner just the 3 of us since my work trip to Austin/San Antonio back in September! And, in fact, we haven't been out to dinner at all since our trip to Denver... So, we took a jaunt one random Thursday "night" (who knew eating out at 5pm could be fun?LOL)... to...We had a blast just the 3 of us and it was so fun to watch LM flirt with the world around him but keep diving back into our laps!
The Cheesecake Factory!! 
Flirting with the Staff at Cheesecake Factory!On TV, you never see characters wear the same thing twice... OK, you may if you watch "Big Bang Theory" but that is a whole other story (and, BTW, if you've never seen it, it is about the best laugh on TV right now... aside from "How I met your mother").. but, I digress. see? no writer = rambling writer.
Yes, so anyone, on TV, people have clean clothes -- when they are out on a hike and it starts to rain unexpectedly, amazingly they have the perfect NorthFace jacket... When they go to bed, they have brand new PJs... You get the idea... While we adore the new outfits we've been grateful and lucky to receive as gifts, there is also something so very very special about hand me downs...While TV has fresh and new all the time, in real life, it is actually fun to have hand me downs.. this is my shot to say how we are SO THANKFUL to people like Kris, Stacey, Sandra, and Barb who've passed down their "goods" from their boys -- It really actually gives me great fun to see our LM wearing clothes I've seen Maks, Alec, Cole, Tommy, or Jack romping in in years past -- because during all those years I watched your boys, hoping someday we might actually have one of our own... I hope our son learns to appreciate when he has cool ropes like on TV, but that he also finds the joy of things like "brother hood of the traveling pants"... (ok, ok, so i "borrowed' that phrase. Sue me. But after you read the book b/c as I remember it, "sisterhood of the traveling pants" is hilarious)... see, digression. Call the writers in.
Yes, so anyone, on TV, people have clean clothes -- when they are out on a hike and it starts to rain unexpectedly, amazingly they have the perfect NorthFace jacket... When they go to bed, they have brand new PJs... You get the idea... While we adore the new outfits we've been grateful and lucky to receive as gifts, there is also something so very very special about hand me downs...While TV has fresh and new all the time, in real life, it is actually fun to have hand me downs.. this is my shot to say how we are SO THANKFUL to people like Kris, Stacey, Sandra, and Barb who've passed down their "goods" from their boys -- It really actually gives me great fun to see our LM wearing clothes I've seen Maks, Alec, Cole, Tommy, or Jack romping in in years past -- because during all those years I watched your boys, hoping someday we might actually have one of our own... I hope our son learns to appreciate when he has cool ropes like on TV, but that he also finds the joy of things like "brother hood of the traveling pants"... (ok, ok, so i "borrowed' that phrase. Sue me. But after you read the book b/c as I remember it, "sisterhood of the traveling pants" is hilarious)... see, digression. Call the writers in.
Home 41 Weeks... "It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere" In a great shirt I love!Thanks Maks & Kris!! :)
Home 41 weeks? Hard to believe. You see, in TV life, people never change. They never undergo "the transformations" that represent motherhood... In these 41 weeks, I have learned more about myself, been shocked at both my abilities and inabilities to manage this major "systems shock"... Wondering daily if I am up to the task of juggling work, teaching and the hospital position... and in this past month, both have been intensive and pushing me well beyond what I have committed to beyond the usual "extra" for the hospital position... And nightly I worry - are LMs sleep issues, which do seem worse this month, at all related to me being over busy and overtired? Am I not doing all I can for him during the day? Can I, the person who holds high expectations for myself, figure out a way to put my #1 job first (ie: the son we waited so long for, the son we worked our butts off before he came home just to ensure I could work "part time" for), which has not been the option in the last year due to staffing issues at the hospital? i've gotten more gray than i did during the adoption process... I have learned more about my amazing husband (and love him more and more every day), and I have learned to let go of things like trying to blog every week (and not being mad at myself when I get behind)... Because this is life... and life is not like TV... on TV people "go" to work, but seems like mainly they sit in cafeterias and chat, or run around figuring out who they will sleep with next. Apparently I work at a very boring group of places! LOL... But, one thing I do know -- regardless my worry about my abilities and whether or not I am doing right by oru son, man is he adorable -- and in so many ways he's growing up in ways I can see we are doing something right.... and, in the "bigger picture" of how life can go from the perspective Jeff and I both have from work and our work abroad, life this way sure is sweet and cute!!
"If You're Happy and you Know it Toot your Horn"No, we are not the Cleaver's. we don't get "flash forwards" to help us plan out and make decisions in life... Nope... We are real life livers but not on a reality TV show (b/c come on, once you are on TV, is it really real??) -- we do the best we can, every day, and try to think out what maybe didn't go so well... we rely and are thankful for our friends & family versus writers to give us advice, and we pray that those friends and family realize we do not have writers to help us express very difficult thing eloquently... I pray that someday LM will forgive me the mistakes I make at times along the road to being his mom.. It's my first time in this job... I do and will continue to make mistakes from time to time... And so I hope that I learn to be patient with myself and forgive myself, so that he learns to be patient with others and forgive them when they make mistakes.
Remember, tho, while not on TV, "props" are a huge help in adding to the fun of every day life!! LM loves "props"... See for yourself...
Home 42 Weeks "It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere" and Spring has Sprung!and YES Papa, did approve of the "head gear"..
No, LM, this is not TV... We are your real parents, not ones who will leave you and move onto be someone else's parents when our contracts end. Ours is a lifelong contract and much of the screen shots and themes of our shows are not yet written... We are two people, who adore you, our son, and your brother (your dog!). We hope to do the best we can without all the hubbub of TV to help you be a solid, caring, humor-filled, critically thinking, humanitarian heart, loving life and all things adventure, confident little boy. And we do the best we can...even tho we aren't supported by any major TV network!!
6 comments:
Wow! That is an amazingly long, detailed, pictured blog post!! It more than makes up for life getting too busy and complicated to blog for a few weeks! I started reading and meant to click the down arrow and instead jumped 2-3 pages down only to realize it was all part of the new entry! hehe
Those pictures are adorable and LM clearly has his own distinct personality :-) Thanks for keeping us updated on the goings on for those, like me, who aren't close enough (or school gets in the way) to visit!
Dear, dear Amy, I couldn't have said it better than you did, especially as you summed it up in your last paragraph. When we adopted in 1973, we went through all those same self-doubts that you've had because, at that time,we watched so many "Little House on the Prairie" episodes where everything is fine at the end of the hour show, but found reality is very different. I received great comfort when biological parents admitted to mistakes & frustrations, too. I realized I was trying to be Super Mom & my kids just needed Real Mom. We all just try our best & remember the God who worked out the plan for us to be a family in the first place. He knew what he was doing, so it really is all good, even when some days leave us wondering. Your precious son will hopefully become all God created him to be, but meantime,enjoy the moment, sticky jelly & all. He's adorable & delightful & we hope to see him soon. I only wish I lived closer to help with some baby-sitting. Gamma sure looks happy when she's with him! Please feel our hugs & love with you & your 3 boys, Amy K. Love, AN & UT
How is it that you captured my life over the past two years?? I know just how you feel -- thinking about the day and questioning yourself as a mother. I still do and wonder constantly how things may or may not affect Nola as she grows up. I think about my own childhood and what I remember and how I think it affected me throughout my own life.
You're not alone in your thoughts, Amy. You are most certainly a wonderful mother to your LM, and he is just adorable and looks so happy with his family.
x
It's always the guilt about the dog that puts us over the edge, isn't it? Something like, "and I'm even sucking at taking care of a DOG!, let alone the humans!" No one is perfect at this gig. We all have those moments, the woulda, coulda, shoulda, (and if you're in my profession--the "I told someone else at some point that they NEVER shoulda") done _______ (fill in the blank). And yet, there I was doing it. We get tired, we get frustrated, things don't go according to plan and as much as you think you will have the patience for all that, eventually, you lose it. We all do. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job.
Just like food, I'm a firm believer in the 80/20. If I do it "right" 80% of the time, I forgive myself the other 20%. By forgive, I mean, let it go and not ruminate too much. I make mistakes, we all learn from them. It makes me a better parent to not know it all, even when I thought I did, or might have. And these dark times make the bright ones so much brighter. Things will "get back on track" again, they will calm down, but until then, try to live in the moment...and make time for a good nap. :)
Spring has sprung, brighter days are just around the corner.
Yes, Amy, all parents make mistakes but yours are so few and far between, despite what you think! Thankfully, all the mistakes I made along the way(and there were many)seemed to work themselves out or at least you overcame them (as did UB)because you are a woman to be admired! Hard on yourself? YES, too hard most of the time. Thoughtful, YES, all of the time. Caring for others before yourself, Double YES! LM is such a happy, secure, loving little boy and that is due to you and Jeff. Even with such busy schedules, he is your first priority and that is clear. All two year olds have sleep issues and if he's got extra ones possibly (but not definitely) because he misses you when you have to work too much, then, while it's hard on both of you, it also says that he has bonded so well to you that he loves and misses you, even in his sleep. "Real Life" as opposed to "TV Life" has no scripts for sure but you are writing a very good life for your little boy because, while real life has bumps in the road, hand-me-downs,overworked parents,jelly without peanut butter,and rainy days, it also has safety, security, lots of love, hugs, friends and family--all because he has been blessed with you as a Mama and Jeff as a Papa. LM will know that you did the best that you knew how; that you love him very much, and that you will always be there for him whether he is 2 or 42. It is hard to believe that he's here 10 months and it is such a pleasure to watch you with him. Once again, thanks for our LM, thanks for being such a good daughter for sharing him (and letting me babysit is sharing, even if you feel guilty that you have to leave him once in a while) and thanks for the pleasure of watching you be such a good Mom! Aunt Norine, when we do lunch, I'll see if we can't get a visit in with LM while we are at it!
We should all watch TV less and enjoy real life more--it's so much better in person! Love, M
Great post and pics as always! I quickly realized I will never come close to June Cleaver and truthfully I am happy about that :o)
Its all about balance and for me, I think if I do 3/4 of the job my mom did, my kids will be in great shape!
There are many times though you think, geez my only goal for the day is to make sure they dont severely injure themselves or require therapy as adult because of something I said or did :o)
LM is doing as well as he is because of you guys!!
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